I feel as though I’m pregnant. I find myself searching for places that will be suitable for the newcomer once it arrives, places that will inspire and encourage it to grow. The other day I walked down to our new library to see what space there was and if it was peaceful and quiet, I’ve started clearing out cupboards and culling books from the bookshelves. I haven’t quite reached the point of getting down on my hands and knees and scrubbing the kitchen floor, an old wives tale that promises to speed up delivery, but I would if I was told that’s what it takes!
I’m in the frustrating and uncomfortable land of waiting, waiting, thinking of different things I can do to distract myself, putting photographs up on Instagram, reading posts, cooking elaborate meals, writing blogs, visiting friends and when I’m not doing that I’m preparing for the arrival. It feels as if underneath all these activities, underneath all this positive thinking, I’m silently residing in nowhere land.
But this is obviously not a baby I’m talking about, it’s part and parcel of the creative process. What I hope will one day become a book is now in proposal form having been sent by my literary agent to different publishers. I try not to think about it, I know it’s a waiting game but that’s how it is I tell myself throughout each day, you have to accept it’s part and parcel of the process. I have one of the best agents and have complete faith that she will find a publisher, and I have an editor, someone who at times is more supportive of me than I am of myself. I couldn’t ask for a better team, and yet, however wonderful they are, my book will be published in its own time and that time will be the right time. It is one of life’s major lessons on Letting Go; to do your best in whatever endeavour you choose to embark on and then to let it fly. It reminds me of Stings lyrics, the ultimate of letting go, “If you love someone set them free.” I read an insightful quote from Ekhart Tolle, a reminder of how to get centered and accept this situation as it is, “Let go of thought, become still and alert, and don’t try to understand or explain.” Basically it is what it is, I tell myself over and over as I pull myself up from my bootstraps, there are times in life when one inhabits the land of not knowing and the only option is to be still and accept that’s where you are.